Why women have children and men leave
It’s supposed to be the happiest moment of your life. She is expecting her first baby and wants to share this moment with the love of her life: her husband. But suddenly he doesn’t want to talk to you, stays up late, or is angry or irritated with you all the time. With your hormones raging, you sway between tears and anger, which only makes things worse. Suddenly you find yourself alone with your baby and your husband is gone, sometimes forever.
If women and men were aware that pregnancy can bring not only joyful emotions, but also difficult relationship dynamics and challenging emotions, then they could work during pregnancy to maintain the bonds of marriage while adjusting to the arrival of a new mother. third person to marriage. relationship. Because that’s really what happens, the woman falls in love with someone else and the husband feels rejected and neglected, so he looks elsewhere for comfort and validation. If you’re lucky they just throw themselves into the role of provider, if you’re unlucky they seek companionship, friendship and sexual relief with someone else, and unhappiness at home can make them feel like leaving is their only option.
My research suggests that these problematic dynamics are more likely to occur in a long-term relationship, for example, living together or being married for more than 5 years before the baby is born, and the reality is that it is only in the last one or two generations that couples wait so long after marriage to have children. Before the 1960s and 1970s, it was a given that if you got married, a baby would follow within a year or two. Furthermore, the dynamics of the husband-wife relationship were quite different from what it is today. The husband went to work, the wife stayed home, he had her life and she had hers, and they managed together. The partnership of the 21st century is a much deeper and more intense relationship; where the other beloved is seen as a partner, friend and soul mate; instead of just a life partner.
“I had no idea something was wrong until I stopped working at 36 weeks. My husband hated his job and always put his coworkers down, but suddenly he would go out after work, stay with them all night, and then he was dragging himself home. drunk. This had never happened before in 6 years of marriage. With my hormones raging and my underlying fears of abandonment kicking in, I freaked out. The following weekend, the same thing happened and I was desperate. A friend he was a psychologist said that once the baby was born things would go back to normal but it didn’t. I tried talking to him and then waited for him to talk to me but neither approach worked. We tried marriage counseling but he told me she lied.about her one on one session with the therapist and we never went back.I read somewhere that after 10 months babies became more connected to their caregivers and a separation would be more painful for them after this time so six months Later, when it was clear that I wasn’t going to talk about what was wrong, or make any effort to fix our marriage, I told him I wanted a divorce. lucy birmingham
The pregnancy experience is very different for men and women. For women it is a very intimate experience, completely internal and absorbing. For men, while they may be excited to have a baby, there is also the fear of this new responsibility, after all, babies are quite expensive, especially if the mother wants to stay home for a while after the birth. Becoming a dad can also bring unexpected emotions and fears, especially if your own relationship with your mom or her dad isn’t great. “What if I’m a lousy parent like my dad was?” And what is never talked about is this topic of your beloved, your soul mate, the person who is always there for you and supports you and loves only you; well, they’re just not there for you anymore, and what’s worse, their love and attention is focused on someone else. Suddenly, the wife is consumed with love for this baby, and you, the Beloved, are in second place, or barely noticing.
Is it really surprising that emotions like rejection, abandonment, and jealousy surface in some men at this point in their marriage? Friends or family saying, ‘Well, you shouldn’t feel that way,’ is not helpful. You can’t help how you “feel” about a situation. However, perhaps knowing that this can happen and that it affects some couples more than others is the first step to solving these problems. Any man will feel confused and conflicted if he starts to get jealous of his own baby. This is supposed to be a wonderful and happy time, so why does he feel this way? If he feels angry every time he comes home and doesn’t know why or when the baby cries and feels frustrated and miserable, the man may feel that he simply doesn’t love his wife anymore and that having a baby was a terrible experience. mistake. In this confusing and contentious situation, leaving may seem like the only way out.
When you look at it from this perspective, you can see why some men run away.
When I was pregnant, my husband started playing table tennis and drinking with his friends. I suspected that he was having an affair and things got really rough between us. After our son was born, I lost trust in my husband and we separated and began divorce proceedings. I got pregnant unexpectedly during our separation, and my husband came back to me and promised that he would not do it again with this baby, but he behaved the same. It was as if he couldn’t help it. We’re still married now and have put things back together, but it was a terrible time. tony kent
It is possible for you to stay in your marriage and work out your feelings and repair your marriage and in the long run that is much better than leaving. The pain and suffering that separation causes a wife and child, and the long-term repercussions of a divorce, including watching another man raise their children or losing touch with everyone together, can be avoided by being aware that these problems exist. Sweeping this information under the rug for fear of ‘upsetting people’ doesn’t help anyone.
If your problems have become severe, or if you have some sort of trauma from your own childhood, then some form of marriage counseling or relationship counseling may be unavoidable. However, being proactive in supporting and maintaining your relationship, with the support of friends or family, may be enough to get you through this challenging period. The first 3 months are probably the worst, as lack of sleep and the continual demands of a newborn would challenge the patience of a saint. After this time, it is important to talk together and try to find common ground by sharing this wonderful experience of parenting and working through difficulties between you and your spouse the same way you would deal with any problem in all other areas of your life. Talk about how you are dealing with the situation and suggest solutions to improve the connection and intimacy between both parents and, most importantly, do not deny, dismiss or belittle your partner’s feelings. If someone is honest enough to admit that they feel rejected, be thankful that they trust you enough to share this with them.
