What is to be good? Why self-sacrifice is wrong and principles are so important
self sacrifice
The Christian religion teaches that self-sacrifice is a quality we should strive for. The last gesture in the Gospels is to turn the other cheek. This is certainly more predicated than observed, and probably not predicated that often. Perhaps no one really believes that turning the other cheek is feasible or desirable. However, in a less extreme form, the principle of self-sacrifice is widely held and promoted. It is considered a moral good to sacrifice oneself for others.
It’s not just Christians who believe this; it is firmly embedded in Western culture. Many agnostics and atheists are believers in the beginning. I have no doubt that followers of other religions also believe that self-sacrifice is good. I don’t want to say that self-sacrifice is wrong in the sense of being evil (a nonsense word, but let’s put that aside for now), but I do want to argue that self-sacrifice is wrong.
What is self-sacrifice? It is about directly helping other people at the expense of ourselves. Keep in mind that there are two elements at work here: (1) directly helping another person or people; and (2) doing this to one’s actual personal detriment. Helping other people when it is not to personal harm, or when the benefit outweighs the harm, or when the harm is so small as to be of little consequence, this does not imply self-sacrifice in this description and is certainly not wrong.
If you’re wondering how it can be wrong to sacrifice for others, your question demonstrates the strength of this belief. But those who sacrifice themselves to personal detriment inevitably become martyrs. You’ve posted a lot of those, I’m sure. There is one emotion that all living martyrs have in common: resentment. If you give without getting back, you’re going to resent it. Nobody thinks that resentment is a moral good, but that it is the natural and inevitable consequence of self-sacrifice.
But isn’t it true that people sacrifice all the time and don’t resent it? If being good isn’t about self-sacrifice, what is it about? What constitutes moral goodness? What should be the measure of good behavior? It can’t just be about taking care of the ones we love, because that’s easy, isn’t it?
Principles and values
To answer these questions, we need to take a short detour and consider the nature of principles and values.
You know what a beginning is. It is a belief, cherished and universally applicable. If you don’t feel deeply about a principle, you don’t stand by it. And a person who applies a principle to himself and not to others is justifiably called a hypocrite.
For example, the belief that killing is wrong is a principle; one that most if not all of us adhere to. Some people who hold to this principle also believe that it is acceptable to kill in self-defense when one’s life (or that of a loved one) is threatened. It is not that the principle that one should not kill is not applicable in certain situations: the principles, we have pointed out, are universally applicable. But some principles trump others. Here the principle that one should not kill is subservient to the principle of killing in self-defense.
Principles are related to values. The higher the value rates, the more important the principle. The values and principles are hierarchical. The principle that killing should not be based on the value that human life is very important. The principle that one can kill in self-defense is based on the value that one’s own life is more important than the life of others. For this to be a principle, it must be universally applicable, so the right to defend myself (or those close to me) by killing is generalized as a right not only for myself but also for others.
(Since the vast majority of people adhere to this principle, governments use it to justify offensive wars. The war department calls itself ‘defense’, not intended to be ironic, but rather in the hope that we believe that is what that it is.”. War is justified according to this same principle, that of legitimate defense. And many people believe the argument, or say they believe it. War is usually pursued for specific interests and has nothing to do with self-defense. But this is only an aside.)
We can’t worry about people we don’t know. We can’t really care about people suffering or dying in foreign lands. Not really. And this is just as well. If we felt the suffering of those we don’t know as we feel the suffering of those we know, our life would be all suffering.
Of course we care about those we meet; and we care more about those closest to us. After those we love, it is our principles that we hold dear the most.
We can’t worry about people we don’t know, but we can and do care about our principles. We can’t worry about people who are suffering, but we can worry that they are suffering. We can also worry about injustice, poverty, lack of opportunity, oppression.
Principles as vital goods
What constitutes good behavior is not self-sacrifice but adherence to good principles. Therefore, our principles (after our loved ones) are the most important of our possessions. People die for them and kill for them. Some principles for some people are more important than their own life or the lives of others.
But the fact that people die or kill for their principles does not mean that their principles are correct. The principles, and the values on which they are based, are certainly the setting for discussion, debate and argument. Freedom of expression is often restricted (by law and ideology) to prevent people from discussing the values that underlie the principles. Principles become unquestioned imperatives and detractors are silenced and punished.
Therefore, freedom of expression is vital, because without it, people are denied the opportunity to explore and challenge values and principles, which are vital possessions.
How does all of this relate to personal sacrifice? The person who sacrifices himself to his own detriment for the benefit of others, harms himself. But the person who sacrifices aspects of her life for her principles is not sacrificing at all but is true to himself. This is equally true for men and women.
Self-sacrifice leads to resentment because it is contrary to our interests. Acting in favor of our highest principles, even when it entails personal disadvantages, perhaps even extreme ones, is not self-sacrifice (in the sense described here) but quite the opposite: fulfillment.
But, the objection may be raised, are not principles that do not involve self-injury likely to be selfish and anything but good? You are welcome. Values relate to what is important to you. Since in my childhood I felt subjected to a great injustice, justice is a particularly important value for me. As I have seen the effects of racism on people close to me, fighting prejudice is very important to me. The principles that I create from my values have universal applicability. Therefore, I am passionate about justice and the fight against prejudice. I am very interested in living and promoting these principles, and doing so is in no way a sacrifice because I do it myself. I can’t personally care about all the people who suffer injustice and prejudice, but I do care about the principles and I stand up for them.
Similarly, when (for example) you give to charity because people are suffering in a faraway land, you do so because you have a principle that people who are suffering in dire circumstances have a right to our help (or however you phrase it). the beginning) .
Self-sacrifice is negatively motivated.
Self-sacrifice, on the other hand, usually stems from the feeling of entitlement: the search for love; the need for approval. It comes from a negative rather than a positive place.
We do things for others at our expense because we expect others to love and approve of us as a result, and give us things that we should have received from our parents and caregivers. Works? Hardly ever. What happens when we sacrifice ourselves in this way? They walk all over us, take us for granted, and treat us with disrespect. So we try harder and sacrifice even more. But it only makes things worse. So how do we feel? Resentful and angry. We treat people with suspicion. We keep them at a distance because it is dangerous to let them in; all we get is disrespect and they are taken advantage of. Is this good in any sense? Of course not.
Act according to your principles
Good behavior is behavior that adheres to important principles. So don’t worry about what others think of your behavior; judge your behavior according to how far it is in accordance with your principles. People often worry about the emotions that their behavior seems to arouse in others. Such concern can allow you to be manipulated. If your behavior makes another feel upset, hurt, disappointed, or disapproved of, it can tempt you to change your behavior or judge you negatively. But you would be wrong to do so. You are responsible for your behavior; others are responsible for their emotions. Rephrased: You are not responsible for the emotions of others, but you are responsible for your behavior. You just need to ask yourself if your behavior is consistent with your values and principles. If it is, it’s good behavior, whatever the emotional response of others.
If you don’t know what your principles are or if the need for the love and approval of others prevents you from behaving in a consistent way, you may need the help of an expert to heal and become truly yourself.
Should you judge the behavior of others according to your principles? No. How others live is their personal choice, don’t you think? We are all going to have different values and different principles. I don’t expect others to feel as convinced about injustice and prejudice as I do. But if the behavior of others attacks or inhibits the realization of your principles, then you may feel that you have a duty to challenge such behavior. But, if I may add, do it in a way that furthers your purpose (keeping in mind what your principles are for); don’t just attack to abuse or undermine the person. To do so would undermine other principles it upholds.
