He cheated on me and I got him back. Does this mean that I have low self-esteem?
Sometimes I hear from women who feel a little insecure about their decision to get their husband back after he cheated on them or had an affair. And very often, these wives care more about what others think than what they themselves think. They are often quite concerned with outward appearances and what their friends and family must think about their decision.
I heard from a wife who said, “My husband had an affair last year. After much soul-searching, I decided to take him back. I kicked him out and we lived apart for a few months. I missed him. I just couldn’t help it. And while I missed him , he called me all the time and promised me that if I took him back, I would not regret it because he would make it up to me. I am excited about rebuilding my marriage, but not everyone is as excited and optimistic as I am. My mother told me that only women with low self esteem back off cheating husbands she says i’m crazy to win back a man who lied to me and cheated on me she always asks me if i don’t think i’m good enough to find someone more self esteem? Are you right? Only women with low self-esteem accept men who cheat or have affairs? I will address these issues in the next article.
My opinion on the self-esteem of wives who win back cheating husbands: I have a definite opinion on this, but it may not be very objective. I got my own husband back after he was cheated on. I do not consider myself a person with a lack of self-esteem. It is true that my self-esteem was not always high at that time. Since then, I have rebuilt myself. However, the thought that I could never get another man or that my husband was the best I could ever have never entered my thought process.
I think this is true for many wives in the same situation. Often, we are thinking of our families. And we don’t want to throw away a long-term relationship that we worked so hard to build. Now, I’m not going to say that there aren’t some wives who stay with serial cheaters who treat them very badly and show them appalling disrespect. That situation is a little different. When you give a man every chance and he continues to turn his back on you and hurt you over and over again, eventually you should either demand a change or do what is best for your own good.
But the wife in this scenario was not in this situation. This was the first time her husband had been unfaithful and he was more than willing to do whatever it took to help her (and her marriage) heal. She had kicked him out of the house, and yet he kept coming back and asking for another chance. All of these things indicated that her sincerity was more likely.
The truth is that many very successful, fulfilled and strong wives try to save their marriages after infidelity. This does not mean that they are weak or stupid. In fact, I think it takes a lot of strength to get up and try again even in the face of pain. Of course, the best decision in each marriage will be quite individual. What is right for one wife may be wrong for another. But it is very important that we do not judge each other. Your decision to accept it or stay is nobody’s business but yours.
And sometimes, you will have to assert yourself. A suggested conversation for this wife might go something like, “Mom, I know you’re worried because you love me, but I need your support right now. And when you question my decisions or my self-esteem, it hurts. Please respect my decision and just love me and support me. I don’t think this is a wrong decision but if it is, I will find out very soon and I will need you more than ever. So please help me no hurtful comments. I know you love me but you can help me more by offering your support instead of your opinion and your comments”.
Even if low self-esteem was not a factor in your decision, it is always helpful to work on it after you are affected by infidelity: Even if you accepted your husband for very valid reasons, it’s usually a pretty safe bet that his cheating has made you doubt yourself. This is natural, no matter how confident you are. It is normal to wonder why he would betray you in this way. I always advocate being self-employed to increase self-confidence after infidelity. This is very necessary because doubt can cause a lot of problems while you are trying to rebuild. You don’t want to have to worry if your husband still finds you interesting or attractive. You want to edify yourself so that there is no doubt in your mind about this.
But to answer the question posed, no, I don’t think it necessarily means you have low self-esteem if you accept him after he cheats on you. Women have their own individual reasons for the decisions they make after a husband’s infidelity and no one should pass any judgment on the same.
