A relationship CAN survive infidelity
The only person you found you could trust just betrayed you. How selfish can someone be? How ungrateful and inconsiderate? These may be some of the recurring thoughts that run through your mind when your partner admits or is caught doing the unthinkable. However, there are a few things to consider before pointing fingers. There is one side of the story, then there is the other, then there is the ugly truth.
“About 60 percent of men and 40 percent of women will have an affair at some point in a marriage.” says therapist, Peggy Vaugn, author of “Monogamy Myth.” It is not uncommon for infidelity to occur in today’s society. With internet dating sites easily accessible, it’s actually more common to be unfaithful or find a partner who is.
However, through research and personal experience, I have discovered that with real love, real commitment, and honesty, a relationship can be saved from adultery. To get started, you need to ask yourself some key questions and make some tough decisions.
First the questions: The questions will be the same regardless of whether you are the cheater or the cheater.
Problem 1:
Are you still really in love with this person?
LOVE, NOT lust, infatuation, comfort, economic dependency, routine dependency… LOVE. Just because they’ve been in your life for 2 years or 60 years doesn’t mean you’re in love with them. No matter what the age is, if you are not happy, you can find someone else. However, if you are absolutely, positively, and unquestioningly in love with your man or woman, see question 2.
Problem 2:
Why did your partner cheat on you?
You have to REALLY consider the reality of this question. For example, yes, that bastard husband cheated on his wife… But what if the husband told you that his wife stopped looking at him, commented on his weight, his lack of success and stopped having sex with him? him completely? Flipside: Yeah, that dirty bitch slept with her poor working husband… but what if I told you that the last time she had an affair was 4 years ago and the last time she saw him for more than 30 minutes was during the food? she made him eat, then he took 6 business calls before going to bed with an iPad on her lap followed by his morning flight to Chicago.
Everyone knows that there is a way to avoid cheating… asking for a divorce, separating… but sometimes infidelity is an OPENING CALL.
Decisions:
Decision 1:
If you’re not in love with this person like we discussed earlier… Break up. Divorce file. Move on!! If you are clearly miserable with this person you are NOT in love with… WHY ARE YOU WITH THEM? Be selfish, like they were and make yourself HAPPY. You only get one life and why use it trying to MAKE a relationship work when there are MILLIONS of options that are WAITING to take care of you! There are no excuses… “we have children, we have a house, we have a dog, we have a car, we have a joint cellular plan, we have a gym membership, he/she has my cds…” the list is of excuses are just excuses… the The only excuse that allows you to repair your relationship is love. If you are STILL in love… See Decision 2.
Decision 2:
Okay, so once you’ve been cheated on (have cheated), you know you love the person who cheated on you (or the one you cheated on), and you want to fix the relationship… You have to do 2 things:
1. You have to be completely honest about how you feel, what happened and with whom. Taking into account that it was not your partner’s relative, you can go to 2.
2. This dilemma in your life that has devastated you both needs to be buried. If you want the relationship to move forward, you absolutely must, under NO circumstances, NEVER bring it up again.
Understand that everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has urges and needs that need to be fed. Often, after someone has cheated, he feels remorse and realizes that he has committed the ultimate crime of monogamy. With this intense guilt comes understanding. Sometimes there’s an epiphany that goes something like this: “I’ll never do that again, it wasn’t worth it, and I’ll always try to be everything my spouse wants, keep it.” They learn one of two things, they don’t deserve you or they need to step up to give you what you deserve.
