My husband left me but says he still wants to be friends: tips and advice that can help
I recently received an email from a wife who told me that she felt very betrayed and confused that her husband had recently left her and the house to “have time to think about the relationship,” but insisted that the two could still be friends.
The wife was heartbroken and confused. She wanted to keep her husband in her life and she wanted to save her marriage. But, she felt that the offer to be friends was just some kind of consolation prize. I knew it was going to be very difficult for her to have a friendship type relationship when she wanted it to be so much more. But, she wondered if, at this point, she should take what she could to make sure he stayed in her life. She wasn’t sure how she should act with him or how she should interpret this. He wanted my advice on how to move on. I will tell you what I told him in the next article.
Can you still be friends after your husband leaves you ?: It’s probably not realistic to think that the two of you can still be true friends. After all, you’ve shared so much more than friendship and there’s really no way to pretend otherwise. Also, it can be quite difficult and uncomfortable to see your husband in another context. Often you will not be sure how to act or what to say.
The real key to making this work is to define the relationship without limiting it so that neither person has to guess. This is usually more difficult in real life than it appears on paper. You don’t want to make demands or show that this is so difficult for you that he just wants to withdraw and avoid contact with you. But you don’t want to be left vulnerable or taken advantage of by either of you.
That said, it’s important that you have the ability to stay in touch and stay in touch in a way that helps keep the relationship going rather than ending it. Because if you want him to finally come back, you will have a much better chance of this happening if he can think of you and feel positive things. You don’t want his departure to be the last thing he remembers.
The remaining friends can allow you to stay in your thoughts and in your life. But you should always move forward with an eye toward where you really want it to go. You must not act in such a way that it is impossible to maintain and you must not be unfaithful to yourself. And you must not allow this friendship to hurt you emotionally. Not everyone can play this role. Sometimes the longing is evident in their eyes and the real motivation is completely apparent to everyone.
How being friends with your estranged spouse can lead to something more lasting: As I mentioned, it is very important that you find the balance between being a healthy relationship and what you want to happen in the long term. Although it may not seem like everything at the moment, it is an advantage to have access and a somewhat captive audience. I dialogue with many women whose husbands won’t even allow them a phone call or a letter after he’s gone. You may not feel that things could be worse, but believe me when I tell you that they can.
And frankly, you can also use this time aside for your own benefit. He’s probably looking at what you’re doing. He’s probably watching you and listening to the proverbial door to find out what’s going on. Show him someone who can cope well enough, not someone who is needy or undesirable. Now is your time to shine. And frankly, you probably now have time to do all of those things that you were putting off or avoiding because of him.
Both for you and for him, you want to present a happy, capable, optimistic and positive person. People like this naturally attract others like moths to a flame. I know it is so easy and so tempting to hold on or overdo it during the times when you are together and are cultivating your “friendship” relationship, but firmly resist this. Don’t be available every time he wants to meet. It alludes to the fact that you too are taking advantage of your freedom. The great advantage of this situation is that you can only allow them to see what you want them to see.
They’re no longer together 24/7, so you have a lot more control over the image you’re projecting. Don’t put all your focus on this relationship and where it is going. I know it’s too much to ask, but doing this is often so obvious to your husband that it will only make you lose ground in the long run. Really and genuinely take this opportunity to focus on yourself and your own needs and wants. Yes, you will agree to be friends, but you will not allow yourself to be taken advantage of and you have other friends.
It is perfectly fine and it is even advisable to try to maintain a positive relationship with your husband. And, without the pressure of living together while trying to save the marriage, they often have more flexibility and can enjoy each other without being together 24/7. This alone can bring short-term improvements to your relationship if you play it right. (If you are having difficulty with this, take time away from the situation until you can return to it in a healthier way.)
So, I advised the wife to agree to remain friends, but not to hang up on husbands on every phone call and invitation. I knew he would be watching and I wanted to make sure that when he did, he saw a woman who was embracing life, she was very adorable and someone else was likely to pick her up if she kept playing these games.
