My ex is texting me: do you want me back?
Breakups aren’t like they used to be anymore. You would lose someone’s phone number, and that would be it.
But these days? There are dozens of connections to cut before you finally ditch your ex. You have Facebook … Instagram … Twitter … you have Skype contacts and email addresses, and yes, you mostly have text messages.
So what does it mean when your ex boyfriend keeps texting you, even after breaking up with you? Are you lonely and looking for company? Do you want to reconcile?
Or can’t his texting be more than what he makes it out to be: innocent communications between two adults who were once in a relationship?
When an ex is texting you, it means something
There is always something behind it when an ex is trying to keep in touch. Whether you call, email, or text, it doesn’t matter, the common thread between all of these things is that you’re still on his mind.
If you want to get it back, this is a good thing. That said, all relationships go through the same common cycle:
- Overwhelming initial attraction
- ‘Honeymoon’ stage of romance (aka everything is awesome)
- Intense feelings develop, love flourishes
- Over time, strong emotional bonds form.
It is those emotional ties that you will use to get your boyfriend back. Even though he broke up with you, those feelings are still there. He can’t turn them off like a light switch, despite telling you “it’s over” or “he can’t feel them anymore.”
For guys, it’s very easy to bury those feelings quickly … or at least convince themselves that they are buried. Facing how you continue to feel after a breakup only causes pain, so an ex-boyfriend might ignore you, break all contact, or even tell you to stay away.
In short, you are trying to get through the initial stages of your breakup with as little regret as possible. The emotional ties you have with him are still there, but they are hidden beneath the surface and must be * carefully * removed again.
Should you text your ex?
So now you’re sitting there trying to be cool, but your ex boyfriend is suddenly texting you. Nothing crazy, just some “what’s up” stuff. Looks innocent, right? As if you could reply with a text message, thinking that staying in touch with him is the best way to keep him interested.
Incorrect.
When you text your ex back and forth, you are actually SLOWING down the reconciliation process. This is because:
- Your ex has no chance to miss you (because you’re still talking to him)
- Your ex isn’t worried about losing you (because he knows you still like him)
- Your ex knows exactly what you are doing (there is no danger of you moving on)
Even the most innocent communication via text message is like saying to your ex boyfriend, “Hey, I’m still here! Don’t worry about me, I’ll hang out for a bit, in case you change your mind.
Honestly? This seems desperate. Your ex would respect you a lot more if you didn’t even answer him, plus he would start asking himself questions like: “Has he forgotten me? Why isn’t he answering? Maybe he found someone else?”
This line of thought is exactly what you want. It’s the precursor to him wanting you to come back. Plant the seeds of doubt in his head that will eventually make him question the decision to break up with you in the first place.
To win back your ex’s heart, you must first change the way they currently see you. Too many people don’t understand this. They think they can jump into a possible reconciliation simply by telling someone how much you love and need them, and their ex will somehow miraculously listen to them.
Not surprisingly, these people crash into a brick wall of indifference. If you feel like you’re banging your head against this wall trying to get your ex boyfriend to consider you again, you’re already doing all the wrong things. To get it back, you’ll need to stop immediately and start doing the RIGHT things.
In the end, texting is just one aspect of the post-breakup battle. To win the war, you need all the ammunition you can get. Above all, you need a battle plan.
