Building Your Team: Understanding and Appreciating Communication Style Differences
You’ve probably noticed that much of the world approaches problems, tasks, people, and the game differently than you do. If you lead a team, you may have wondered why some people enjoy the camaraderie of team meetings while others suffer through those same meetings hoping they start on time and end quickly. You may have found that the drive to action exhibited by some members of your team is balanced by the need to evaluate or analyze expressed by others on the team.
In fact, our workplaces are full of fascinating and complex people who do and say things that continually surprise us. If you lead a team of diverse people, it’s up to you to learn not only how worth these differences but also how build about these differences. As a first step, you should begin to understand your own communication style, as well as your individual strengths and weaknesses.
It doesn’t have to be a complicated process to begin to identify communication style differences. You’ve probably seen some patterns in yourself and in the people you work with. For example, you:
It’s interesting to note that it doesn’t really matter how or why you developed these preferences. It’s just important to realize that he has preferences or habits that he tends to rely on to make his way in the world. Of course, we all have the ability to do whatever the situation requires of us, but let’s be real: There are some behaviors that simply make us more comfortable than others.
Let me give you an example: When a member of my team drops an issue on my lap, my first instinct is to ask questions and gather data. When I have enough information, I can start evaluating my options. When you’ve thought about those options, I can recommend a test solution. Would it surprise you to know that I prefer an analytical communication style? (We call this the Style Analyzer at NetSpeed Leadership.]
Now let’s think about the team member who put the problem in my lap. Maybe she’s actually a little upset that she didn’t catch a bug that created the problem. Let’s say she’s feeling really bad about the problem, and she hopes I’ll take a few minutes to empathize with her discomfort and reassure her that we’ll work together to make things right. Perhaps she is more concerned with her relationship with me, her boss, at the moment than solving the problem. Would it surprise you to learn that she prefers a relationship-oriented style of communication? (We call this style Anchor.)
As you imagine this scenario, you can probably guess that we would be like two ships passing in the night. At my questions and data collection, she would probably burst into tears, convinced that I had really screwed up. If I recognize that you need empathy and support before you can move on to problem solving, we’ll probably go further in solving the problem together.
Without an appreciation of these kinds of stylistic differences, team members can also misunderstand each other, overreact, and experience unnecessary frustration. A member of my team is extremely focused on deadlines. He has a never-ending to-do list and gets most of his daily satisfaction from working his way through that list. The more activities he does each day, the better he feels. When he leaves for the night, his desk is neatly organized and ready for him to tackle the challenges of the next day. It probably comes as no surprise to learn that he prefers a results-oriented communication style. (We call this style Achiever.)
Now imagine this Achiever working with another team member who loves the creative process. In fact, brainstorming, playing with ideas, and researching creative solutions consumes a good chunk of your day. If you look in his office, you wonder how you can find something on his desk. There are stacks of paper everywhere, open magazines with interesting articles, sticky notes with ideas, a collection of books, and a notepad with notes, lists, random thoughts, and important phone numbers. He loves to show up at the Achiever’s office and brainstorm with him. You can guess that she prefers a communication style that is creative and certainly doesn’t stick to deadlines. (We call this style Adventurer.)
If I want to develop synergistic teamwork, then I must not only select team members who display these different styles, but also ensure that they value these style differences in their teammates. Otherwise, the team will spend a lot of time arguing over differences in style instead of negotiating good work strategies that meet everyone’s needs.
So, as a team leader, where should you start? Consider inviting each team member to share some accomplishments with other team members in a team meeting. As that team member talks about these proud moments, everyone else records the gifts, talents, and skills they demonstrated to succeed.
For example, imagine the Achiever describing his achievement in completing the New York City Marathon. He describes the daily training he did, the training plan he developed, the goals he set for himself, his commitment to run the race despite unusually high heat on race day, and his satisfaction in reaching his personal goal: running the marathon. in less than 4 minutes. Team members may note gifts, talents, and abilities such as goal setting, perseverance, commitment, results orientation, discipline, and self-direction. As they notice these positive qualities, they begin to see what their teammate has to offer the team.
Next, consider introducing the team to communication styles or behavior. At NetSpeed Leadership, we offer a three-hour training module called Working with Communication Styles to help organizations develop awareness of style differences, language of appreciation, and the ability to capitalize on these differences. As each team member begins to understand her own preferences and moves from judging others who exhibit different styles to appreciating and building on those style differences, her team begins to mature. And her job as a team leader just got a little easier.
