The true meaning of “I’m bored” and how it’s related to failure to launch syndrome!
Many parents feel compelled to fill the void when their children say, “I’m bored.” Whether it’s playing with their child, arranging a play date, or searching for an electronic solution, parents rush in without realizing that boredom is a gift, an opportunity for our child to develop skills that will help them leave the nest and carry on. a full and fulfilling life.
Part of becoming a successful adult is the ability to solve problems and live life creatively. When his daughter says, “I’m bored,” what she’s really saying is that right now I have no idea how to spend my time creatively. Not only is your child’s boredom not a crisis you need to fill, but it is a great opportunity for your child to create something out of that feeling of boredom that will fulfill him and help him develop and mature.
What we do as parents in response to “I’m bored” is critical. If we constantly stimulate him by turning on the television or playing video games, or we struggle to find someone to do something with him, our child will not learn to spend his time creatively. That can translate to a young adult who is always looking for external motivation and stimulation. Think of the child-men you know who couldn’t get off the ground and live in the basement of their parents’ house. When your child says, “I’m bored,” you have a golden opportunity to teach him skills that will ensure he has room in the basement for future guests.
When your child is bored, it is a gift. The opportunity to feel bored from time to time is not only a gift, boredom is an increasingly rare gift! Many children are so programmed and overstimulated that they don’t have moments in their bedroom feeling restless and wondering what to do. Instead, they are hooked up to something electronic, doing homework or rushing to school or other activities. For full maturation, your child needs downtime to explore her inner and outer landscape. If your child sometimes says that he is bored, celebrate! That means he’s created space in her life for her to grow and develop, and he’ll reap the rewards later if he handles it right!
Boredom is an opportunity for your child to grow and discover more about himself and his world. Your role is that of a coach. Of course, you can brainstorm with him what to do. You’ll also want to have lots of stimulating materials for creative play on hand, regardless of age. For my 9-year-old daughter the other day, that meant postcards and gel pens that she pulled out to send family notes to my mom, grandma, and sister. For my 11-year-old, it includes Lego and K’Nex, which she pulls out from time to time, and pencil and paper for drawing and doodling. Both are voracious readers, which prevents many potential dull moments.
Boredom is a blank canvas, an opportunity to create and define yourself. Whether it’s your own boredom or your child’s, don’t be too quick to hide the feeling. Instead, ask yourself or your child what would be fun or interesting to do. See if there’s a project you’ve always wanted to do or a game you’d like to play (preferably non-electronic unless you or your child is one of the few who doesn’t spend a lot of time on electronic media). Board games require more interaction which teaches valuable social skills while building fun memories. If you find a creative way for your child or yourself to fill the boredom, you will come out more alive and satisfied than if you simply find some way to pass the time.
So the next time your child says, “I’m bored,” you can say, “Great! What do you want to do about it?” Then sit back and let your child take the reins, with a little guidance, and you’ll have done everything you can to help her grow up, while she guards against the dreaded miss-launch syndrome!
