Foster the learning strengths of our children
“Whatever we put our attention on will grow stronger in our life.” ~Maharishi Mahesh Yogi
Where does your lens look?
When you look at your son, what do you see? Do you see the innocent sweetness that he exuded as a child? Do you see a grumpy and grumpy teenager? Is your attention going to your son’s latest success or his recent mistakes? What we attend to with our children becomes the reality that we see, cultivate and nurture.
Of course, the way we view our kids stems from countless factors: the kind of day we’re having, the kind of day they’re having, hormones (theirs and ours), stage of life, stressors operating on us and around us; one day we look at life in a kind of happy void, and the next day we can feel hopeless, dragged down and demoralized.
How we choose to view our children affects more than just our own state of mind; It can affect your self-concepts. And their self-concepts influence all the “classrooms” of their lives: the playground, the sports team, the tests they take, and the goals they make (or deny) for themselves. These classrooms help establish your sense of what is personally possible. We can all attest to the significant influence of a significant adult on what we imagine to be possible for our lives, growing up.
see strengths
The strengths-based perspective. In the past, psychological treatment protocols for families, adults, and children focused on pathology and deficits. But the strengths-based approach emphasizes assets, competencies, and abilities. A significant body of research on strength development has been conducted over the past 40 years through organizations such as Gallup. His research grew out of a movement to examine positive psychological/human potential. The Gallup Organization’s research on human performance addressed more than 2 million people (worldwide) and set out to answer the question: Could it be that the greatest gains in human development lie in investing in the What do people do best naturally? Their hypothesis was confirmed when they found that people earn more by taking advantage of their talents than when they make comparable efforts to improve their areas of weakness*.
Ask any school-age child what his weaknesses are, and chances are he’ll have mental access to a list of shortcomings he’s internalized about himself. But ask him what his strengths are and he may be faced with a blank stare along with a loud silence. In my experience, children and adults are reluctant to invoke their strengths when asked about them. Whether it’s due to a lack of confidence, messages they’ve heard from their environment, or ignorance of what they do well, children’s inability to identify and articulate their strengths is unfortunate.
When children know their personal strengths, it not only helps them develop and grow, but it also empowers them to harness their assets to learn new information, solve problems, and think creatively and innovatively. I encourage all students to use their strengths in these forms of self-advocacy. Like using a muscle, the more a force is exerted, the stronger and more integrated it becomes.
A strengths-based approach doesn’t mean celebrating mediocrity, haphazard praise for meeting ordinary expectations, or overlooking areas that need improvement. Child development experts will tell you that targeted encouragement directed at specific acts will benefit your child much more than constant, vague reminders of his intelligence or “greatness” as a person. This brings us to the importance of paying attention to the unique and outstanding gifts that our children individually possess. –Do not shower praise superfluously. And as for weaknesses, it may be necessary to correct behavior that produces counterproductive results. But how effective is our emphasis on them? Perhaps our approach has been myopic, focused primarily on deficits and remediation. I am suggesting that we refine the approach: toward developing strengths and building talent, while recognizing, understanding, and managing weaknesses.
types of smart
What kind of strength does your child possess? Howard Gardner, a professor of education at Harvard University, developed a theory of multiple intelligences more than 20 years ago that grew out of his observation that our schools focus primarily on linguistic and logical-mathematical intelligence. He postulated that the conventional notion of intelligence, based primarily on IQ tests, was too limited. Instead, Gardner proposed eight distinct intelligences to account for a broader range of human potential in children and adults.
1. Linguistic intelligence (“smart word”)
2. Logical-mathematical intelligence (“number/intelligent reasoning”)
3. Spatial intelligence (“intelligent image/space”)
4. Bodily-kinesthetic intelligence (“body smart”)
5. Musical intelligence (“intelligent music”)
6. Interpersonal intelligence (“intelligent people”)
7. Intrapersonal intelligence (“self-smart”)
8. Naturalistic intelligence (“intelligent nature”)
Our educational system rewards those who are highly eloquent or logical, but is slower to highlight the achievements of students gifted with other intelligences: the artists, musicians, naturalists, designers, dancers, innovators, and the like, who enrich our world. Unfortunately, countless children who exhibit these gifts get little reinforcement for them. Many of these children end up lumped together with learning disabilities or behavioral labels or simply called “underachievers,” when their ways of thinking or learning are not addressed in classrooms on any strong linguistic or logical basis.
“Fine and fine,” you say, “but what can I do about it?” One answer is to pay attention to your child’s unique strengths. If your focus has been primarily on deficiencies and “fixing,” take a moment to observe and appreciate what is going well in your child’s learning, behavior, and development. Rather than view standardized test results as an omniscient predictor of your child’s success, stop to consider what your child knows the tests don’t measure; see your child with a bigger lens. Shifting to a more strengths-based perspective can be easy.
assets in action
Try this:
o Make a list of your child’s best qualities: strengths, abilities, emerging abilities.
o Keep this list in your pocket or somewhere you can easily access this week. Look for “proofs” (or examples) of these assets in action and write them down. Try to write at least one example or proof for each trait. Some traits will have more than one instance.
o Watch out loud to your child for examples of their strengths in action. You can also leave a sticky note on your child’s bedroom door, listing the most that she noticed during the week. For example:
o I noticed that you took the time to help your little sister with her jacket.
o I noticed that you sat down and started your homework right after snack.
o I noticed that you tackled a difficult math problem and didn’t give up when you felt stuck.
o I noticed you sang while you were getting dressed, what a voice you have!
o I noticed the way you negotiated a delicate situation with your friends. That required a lot of finesse.
o Share the list with a loved one who has regular contact with your child. Encourage that person to add you.
o Continue expanding the list. You can even start a journal or notebook to give to your child when they are older.
You may find that you witness more of these strengths, or that they occur more often when you pay attention to and acknowledge them. Your mind can shift to noticing and nurturing your child’s emerging skills and abilities (also known as potential). This is a valuable and mutually beneficial search. In fact, I encourage you to make your own list based on strengths; Realizing what we do well as parents and as people can empower us when we feel challenged or exhausted.
parting thoughts
Imagine learning a new language at your current age. How easy do you think it would be? What if you had a teacher who frowned at your every mistake… tried to teach you in a way that didn’t make sense… barked at your wrong answers? Now imagine a teacher who notices what you do well, provides tools to gently correct your mistakes, and teaches you in a way that complements your unique ways of thinking and learning. Our children are constantly learning new “languages” or scripts about who and how they can be in the world. We can choose what kind of teacher we want to be in that process. Harnessing and nurturing strengths expands the possibilities for ourselves and our children. Let’s come together to build on children’s strengths, to develop their greatest areas of potential.
*(See http://gmj.gallup.com/, the Gallup Organization website and online publication for more information)
