College Football Losers – Reading Between the Lines for 2009
What will happen when the 2009 college football season rolls around? The grass will be cut, the lines will be painted and the fields will be marked. The Gatorade will go into the cooler and the beer will get colder! (They are occasionally mixed in Lincoln.) Hope will bloom on the football fields of this great land, waiting for the downpour of reality to wash over the late-summer optimism. This is the time for fans and alumni to start believing that this is their year, the year their school sheds the shame of losing in NCAA football’s top division.
Some of the downtrodden would settle for a single win against a decent opponent. Some would undoubtedly enjoy a win of any variety, including a loss to the Northern Idaho Drum and Bugle Corps (Iowa State is trying to squeeze into NIDBC between season start dates with Kent State and South Dakota State).
There are several not decent opponents willing to send a team for a price. Witness Western Kentucky faced off against the Florida Gators to open the season a couple of years ago, and Appalachian State was given the honor of being completely hammered by the Wolverines in Ann Arbor to open the Maize and Blue season. Unfortunately for Big Blue, Appalachian actually showed up and put the Wolverines in a two-year skid in the mud and dirt of bowl ineligibility.
Will this year be a path to a championship? Or will it be a “rebuild” year? A “rebuild year” is a term used by college coaches who don’t want to be fired. Coaches and alumni are very careful about the words they choose, so this week’s public service is to provide a watch list of key words and phrases that identify the losers among us.
‘Year of reconstruction’
‘Disappointment’
‘We are a young team’
‘This team has a lot of talent’
‘Not playing as a team’
Reconstruction:
The key to a year of rebuilding begins with the schedule. As noted, poor Iowa State is kicking off their rebuilding year with games against Kent State and South Dakota State. Army will also visit Ames this year, but at some point, the Cyclones are going to hit the concrete wall of reality and have to play the conference schedule. Rebuilding involves giving a team some confidence. Unfortunately, the Cyclones will lose most of what they make early in the season when they take on Oklahoma State and 12 other notables.
Rebuilding assumes that your team is building faster and better than the opposition. A new coach can do a decent job of rebuilding, but if he’s trying to compete against Oklahoma, he better pull off some serious kickbacks.
The best football schools are constantly “reconstruction”. The key to winning then is to rebuild faster than the Floridas or the country OUs. If your coach uses this phrase “we’re in a rebuild year,” good luck. You will need it.
Disappointment:
The use of this word implies that the team really expected to win. This is a joke in itself and is a cry for help on behalf of the trainer using it. This term will be used frequently this year by coaches who know they are outmatched on the field, but need to keep up the paychecks.
We are a young team
There shouldn’t be anyone over the age of 21 or 22 on any of these teams, so yeah… they’re all young. Can they block and knock down and can they pass the entrance exam? Can your star recruit spell her name? The use of this phrase identifies a coach or alumnus trying to control expectations while still appearing confident in the team he puts on the field. When you hear this from your coach, your team’s program is headed for the tank, at least this year.
College football has a built-in excuse for lowering expectations: graduation. ‘Graduation’ is a little-used term for players whose eligibility has expired. The fact is that fewer and fewer of these guys are listening to ‘Pomp and Circumstance’ live. Some make it through the ranks of professional soccer, but most players really need something called a diploma. And without a fundamental understanding of addition, subtraction, and finance, those who succeed in making money in the professional ranks risk spending their millions on swampy land.
The people of the Poli Sci department can turn it around as they want, but not everyone can be a winner. If the opposition puts more points than you… yours is the loser. If he is reminded that his is “a young team,” he indicates that the program is headed for the dumper.
this team is very talented
So where did he go on Saturday? The reason scores are saved is to determine which team is better. When used as part of a coach’s defeat speech early in the season, one can expect to hear it much more frequently over the course of the fall. This statement is a real minefield. To say that a team has talent and still loses is a laudable effort to boost the confidence of the remaining players. He also invites business school graduates to demand that the coach figure out a way to use that talent to produce victory.
Not playing as a team
This is the Sage’s favorite personal reason for losing. Does the school provide matching uniforms? Can the computer hear the click count? Not being able to ‘play as a team’ is a highly overrated reason that is written off for losing. You make your blocks or you don’t. If he can’t cover deep, he’ll end up with his own goal post hitting him on the head while trying to cover an air route. This has nothing to do with playing as a team.
Of course, a player needs a rough idea of what to do once the play begins and possesses enough strength and speed to carry out the task. You need 11 of these on the field at the same time. Those who block a screen left in a deep QB drop have no problem playing as a team. They may have experienced hearing loss in the group or needed a little help with their SATs, but they have no problem playing as a team.
So… as we prepare for the 2009 season, Sage is looking forward to games, as well as post-game press conferences, to see what creative new phrases are used to describe losses. The Sage can’t cover every game, so please submit your comments. 2008 unique missing phrases would be welcome!
