Overcoming Insecurity: 7 Signs You’re Needy And Clingy
You do NOT need a man to be happy.
You grew up feeling lonely and unloved. Your father was emotionally unavailable, he was hypercritical or abusive. You have a low sense of self-esteem.
You keep looking for the man’s conditional love, but you gravitate toward men who don’t communicate, are unfaithful, deceitful, and abusive—men who remind you of your father in some way.
You want a wonderful boyfriend or husband but you think you are not worth the respect, love and commitment of a man. You constantly need the reassurance of a man. You romanticize and agonize over a relationship with your new man. Your feelings of uncertainty project despair and need. You let a man walk all over you or you reject a man before he can reject you.
When a quality man shows interest in you, you act out your fearful, insecure, and irrational behavior. You have panic attacks, binge on sweets and chips, drink too much and succumb to promiscuous sex. You pull away from your friends, worry frantically, and fall into a funky depression.
It is a clear sign that you lack confidence in your worth..
Suitors turn away from you and boyfriends fall out of love with you because a relationship with you is neurotic, difficult and emotionally draining.
Your underlying problem is:
You are afraid that a man will reject you or leave you.
You are afraid of being authentic and vulnerable.
You are afraid to trust a man because he might hurt you.
You are afraid that a man will not like you because you are a middle-aged woman.
You allow men into your life who are non-communicative, non-committal, and abusive.
Girl, you need to realize your worth as a woman!
We can’t choose our dads, but we CAN choose the quality of men we allow into our lives. We cannot change our hurtful and dysfunctional past, but we can create a fulfilling and secure future.
Here are 7 signs that you have clingy, dependent behavior and how to change it:
1. You are too accommodating. When you chase a man, you are telling yourself: you do NOT think you are worthy of his persecution. Due to eagerness and insecurity, you are too nice, too available and you have sex with him too soon. You feed his dog when he goes out of town. You dump your girlfriends and cancel your plans to date him at the last minute. When he doesn’t call or text you (like he said he would), you call him to reassure yourself. You’re afraid to say “no” to sex because he might stop seeing you.
Solution: STOP selling yourself shorts! Ignore the tingling, throbbing, love sickness feelings you experience with a new man. Understand that it is a natural part of your “need a man” cravings. Calling him will make you appear anxious. Anxious will make you appear needy. If you have to guess whether or not to call…the answer is “DON’T CALL!” If your inner moral tells you to stop having sex with him, woman, get up and tell him you are NOT ready to have sex. Succumbing to a man’s selfish sexual needs feeds your needy emotions and low self-esteem.
two. You give more than you receive. You call, text, and email him more than he contacts you. You invent the way to be with him; You invite him to a party and you prepare dinner for him. You have his favorite beer or liquor on hand. You give him gifts, send him cute cards in the mail, or send flowers to his home or office (yes, women to this!). You think that being nice and accommodating will make him appreciate and love you, but you don’t get what you expected in return.
Solution: A healthy relationship needs a balance of “give and take.” When you give too much, you seem desperate for a relationship. Pay attention to your wants and needs, and don’t be afraid to express your wishes or concerns. If you cook dinner, it’s his turn to take you to a restaurant. When you call and leave a message or text, please wait until they get back to you. If he doesn’t call you right away, don’t assume something is wrong. You might be busy or waiting for a reason (or the right time) to call. But if he doesn’t call you at all, you have to accept the fact that he just doesn’t like you. Until you’re a solid couple, save gifts for her birthday, Valentine’s Day, and Christmas. Ditch the syrupy greeting cards and ask him to pick up a nice bottle of wine before you head over to your house. If you’re really giving more than you’re getting, you’re with the wrong person.
3. You act out your apprehension. You crave validation and acceptance from a man, but your insecurities lead to jealousy, anxiety, and mistrust. You constantly text him and call him. You stop by his house and stalk him on Facebook. When he doesn’t call or text you right away, you become tense and fearful. You imagine that you did something to push him away, you are suspicious of his activities and you doubt his commitment.
Solution: It’s time to reprogram your dating computer. You are the SELECTOR. He is the PERSECUTOR. A man’s job is to woo you, woo you, impress you, and convince you that he is the absolute best man for you. Your job is to be charming, responsive, and appreciative of your search for him. Bombarding a man with text messages and phone calls is the surest way to drive him away. If you believe that you ARE the prize, he will sense your confidence and self-esteem and work twice as hard to win your favor.
Four. You pursue it for affirmation. You feel that it is not meeting the needs of your relationship. You beg him to talk to you, reveal his intimate thoughts with you, spend more time with you, and have sex with you. Your behavior is stifling and suffocating, causing him to back away from you to protect his personal space.
Solution: Dating with the hope of a serious relationship is an unrewarding process. Absence does make the heart grow. Force yourself to give him space and create activities for yourself. Practice dating for the sake of entertainment and friendship. To go out with your friends. Spend time alone, nurture your 7 chakras, and learn to love your own company. Warning: He may be emotionally stunted and unable to meet his basic emotional needs, in which case he’s a lost cause.
5. You dismiss his hurtful behavior. Your love for him is blind, irrational and self-destructive. You join a man whose dysfunctional behavior fits your needy and codependent mindset. You minimize and dismiss the unconscious: that he is self-centered, unreliable, deceitful, incommunicative, and hot-tempered. You subconsciously (or knowingly) operate in denial, condoning his bad behavior.
Solution: You deserve more. If you continually commit to men who make your heart ache and you’re not sure about your future with him, you need to go to therapy so you can understand WHY you’re attracted to men who mistreat you.
6. You have no personal limits. You act like a doormat. You let him come over at midnight for a booty call. You leave out the fact that he canceled your Friday night date at the last minute. He texts you for a date at the last minute and you actually go. He lies to you and verbally abuses you and you silently approve of his mistreatment.
Solution: Men do not respect women who exploit. Stop trying to please him and be good to yourself. Raise your standards. Hold him accountable for his bad behavior. Be aware of what you want and need in a relationship and decide not to accept anything less. If he walks away from you, it’s because he can’t manipulate or control you.
7. You cling to the man who has lost interest in you. His phone calls and text messages have stopped and he spends less and less time with you. His conversations with you are superficial and short and he has less physical contact with you. You try to lure him back; you send him flirty and sexy texts and ask him out for a drink. He rejects you, so you go after his favorite hangout in hopes of running into him. You think that if he sees you, he will rekindle his interest in you, but you are put off by his cold reception.
Solution: Chasing a man won’t change how he feels about you. If he seems aloof or suddenly unavailable, take care of his state of mind by getting a little plus unavailable. Allowing a man to have his space without your interference will give him the freedom to recharge his manhood. When he returns happy and willing to you, you will experience a surge of confidence and self-esteem. If he doesn’t, he is NOT the right man for you.
