Dealing with Suicide (Part 2)
When it comes to death and suicide, it’s important to make sure you release the emotion, accept the circumstances, accept your inability to change the circumstances, and engage in seriously positive activities. This will act as a catalyst for building your city to a new and improved life.
Tears welled up from the bosom of my emotional aquifers. Relentless in his quest to find his way out. The pain was deep and merciless. We were separated from our biological mother when we were only 9 or 10 months old and briefly forced to raise us by our stepmother and then by our sisters when she finished her period. But in all of this, the desire for male bonding was always a hot pursuit. We always secretly chased each other, but my father always boldly walked away. The question of whether or not we could live without it was not applicable considering the fact that, although it was present, it was not present for many years and we developed a coping strategy that allowed us to have educated careers, etc. I think for me it was a question of the loss of hope that he would consciously decide to step forward and be the father. I thought to myself, maybe I’m naive to think that after 27 years of fending for ourselves one day we would have it. So how do I live dealing with this pain that is hitting my emotions? Do I give up hope that my father will teach me how to be a man? After all, now I have no choice. I learned too quickly that the answers he needed would come in the most unexpected places; my inner sage
When bread is authoritative let it go. Since I was never taught how to be a man, I relied heavily on my own observations of the behaviors that dominated my environment. I never saw my father cry, so I thought men probably shouldn’t cry. It was cowardice until I realized that crying is there to help with healing, and every tear that ran down my face said a lot about my own human frailty. He was talking about my ability to feel empathy and sympathy for others. He taught me about my ability to love. I had become so cold that I didn’t know the meaning of warmth, and my experiences as a young man enduring fight after fight made me mad at God, mad at the church. He made me lose faith in humanity, lose faith in my ability to become a man of integrity. I was desperate. But my crying helped me release my pain. Did it stop me from missing my “potatoes”, as he affectionately called them? No, but when the crying stopped, the cessation was an indicator to me of my ability to move on. When I realized that I had the ability to stop crying, I took the opportunity to laugh at a beautiful memory. We all have the ability to rebuild our empire after a loss, but first we must accept that we can.
You cannot take the place of those you love nor do you have the ability to reverse the circumstance. We all have our autonomy and free will that the laws of all jurisdictions try to protect. When someone chooses to commit suicide, you have to accept the fact that you didn’t change your mind. Pondering what could have happened or what you could have done will not bring the person back, it will only draw your hope into the abyss. So the sooner he can accept that it wasn’t his fault and that he can’t turn it around, the sooner he can transition to building a life beyond the pain.
Participate in activities that help release those hormones that make you feel good. Sport, exercise, good healthy conversation with lots of laughter, read a book, sing a good song. There are lots. Suicide is hard on loved ones too, so you want to make sure that in your attempt to rebuild the broken city of your heart you use the best quality material. In that way, the building blocks of your character are stronger than they were before the disaster of experiencing the suicide of a loved one. I wrote songs during the experience I had in 2014. They made me cry more than anything at the time. But the more she cried, the more she healed. I also had a lot of laughs with my friends talking about the funny things my father used to do. Sometimes the simplest things like pronouncing my wife’s name with a French accent was always a classic. Or his strange way of trying to tell us that I smoke but don’t you dare. He always went to a dark place under a tree to smoke when we were around. I guess that was his way of trying not to instill his own demons into our lives.
If you can practice the above; By accepting the present circumstance, accepting your inability to change it, mourning it, and focusing on the positives during your time dealing with the death and especially the suicide of a loved one, you will be well on your way to helping yourself have a productive life. and wonderful healing experience.
